Miserable

Who likes to be hurt most of the time? In the past , now? I've gotten alot of hurt from people whom i love and by the people close to me.

I always think why happen to me? At this point of time. Maybe its karma? Never thought a miserable day would happen to me at this point of time

Im afraid of losing people whom i love most and friends who are close to me. But are they afraid of losing you? Are you thag important to them? Maybe your just a replacement to them. A toy for them to entertain when their bored, when their being entertained by others, they just throw your aside and doesn't even care how you felt. 

Im sorry for having these attitudes.

Most of the time i think that people doesn't like me because im fat, not skinny enough for him. Maybe being fat might lose his face for finding such a fat girlfriend/crush

I tried losing weight until 40-45kg and i'm still trying to lose. 

Who doesn't want a perfect relationship like them? 

Cuddling at the beach? 

Having so much happiness. 

Yesterday was the most most miserable day i ever encounter. I don't want talk much about it. It really made me so emotional. Stonning on my bed, looking at the picture. Anyway, tbh, they look like couple when they stand together. Well, its good to help their friends when they are in need of help, i can't blame him or ask him to not care about his friends, it's his freedom i can't control because his just a friend to me. Not as if his my boyfriend or what so ever. I just can't deny that fact. Maybe i'm not mature enough to think. Whenever he says sorry to me, it makes me even more upset, hurtful, made me think about our past. This feeling really sucks. Heartbroken

I was upset, crying to sleep silently. I was tell myself, why being so upset about these stuff at his age? Its not worth. Chatting with my guy best friend and he seem to care, understand how i felt, say things that made me smile within minutes. Its good to have him as friend, when i'm sad he doesnt just say 'aiya dont need care.' 'Its okay la' , 'dun need sad cheer up okay?' LIKE HELLO? HOW ARE THESE WORDS GONNA CALM ME DOWN AND CHEER ME UP? He sends me really sweet and cheerful messages. :')

I can't seem to not care because its really hard. I tried many times to let go of these hurtful feelings that have happened to me. It wasn't easy, it really takes time and effort . 

Maybe i should really give up, forget about everything. Focus on my studies get good results and earn a living. 

Its really upsetting to remember all the past when you have already moved on. At a point of time, memories comes back; flashback. I'm completely moodless righy now,lying on my bed, don't even have the appetite to eat a single thing. I really hope i could move on and find someone that would make me happy. (If i could move on)